“Feeling alive yet!?” , asks my guru with a deep tone.
“Maybe in a bit… argh!”, I said with the least amount of faith and energy in my voice.
Within a few minutes, I was gliding in path of meditative nirvana, travelling thousands of kilometers, feeling the gush of wind striking each part of my body, experiencing numbness like never before and passing through the world unknown to anyone. My body started to break down, getting goosebumps and sondering while breathing heavily. Within a few seconds, I had observed what many did not in their lifetime, hearing what many have neglected and calling what many have forgotten. I couldn’t believe I was travelling in a path beyond time, feeling nothing but my existence and prancing on my thoughts with vivid mind.
“ That’s enough for today. “ , said a voice far beyond my senses, and I came out of the thought-bubble. Still lying on the mat with no feeling or sense, I was in front of the end, observing my breathing, again and again, guruji leaned upon my face and started smiling like a baby who found his long lost toy.
Not uttering a single word, he helped me get to my senses by lightly stroking my head, and helping me sit cross-legged. I was back in the loop, constantly hearing the birds chirping in the backyard, seeing rays of light passing through the peeping hole on the wall, and others starting to gather for the session due.
“ Now or later?” , guruji asked as he reached for my water bottle and helped me drink a bit. I was dumbstruck, waiting for the words to reach my brain, start the process and utter anything for now.
“ Maybe later. After the session. “ , said he while addressing the people who started to settle down near the podium.
I said nothing but sat at the same spot, trying to fit with the rest of the people and maintaining the discipline of lined seating. There were some people who knew what happened with me, and didn't bother to ask anything, but smile and see with the eyes comforting my beliefs. Others tried to talk but sensed the fear in my eyes and decided to be quiet, preferred to be away from my seating.
Throughout the session, I did not know how to feel. I was in the scene of the void, still trying to figure out what just happened. From the start till the end, I had no clue what was going on in my mind. The pace, the chills and the fear of knowing what was beyond the mortal life. Was it worth the risk of losing your senses? Was it the right way? Why was everything so dull and meaningless?
After the session got over, guruji came over and asked, “ feeling good now?” , with a hint of affirmation and interrogative tone.
I couldn’t answer. Though I knew what was right at the moment, I had no reply.
He knew what was happening, and was happy to see how I discovered myself in a way not many have. With no other words or any emotions to portray, he sat with me and started to find the questionable spirit that I might reflect within a few seconds.
“ What is it that we don’t know? The place I was in… what was it? “ , I asked with the deepest tone that my ears had ever captured since the time I had the sense to conversate.
As I saw started to look at his face, with a desperate sight of affirmative reflections, with no movements or any discussions, guruji went expressionless and said “ It was you. From within. The pace, the glory, sights of the unknown and the feeling of being known or deserved, from anything to everything, it was you who tried to tie himself to the reality. “
With nothing to lose, I started throwing questions at him. From how did I do it to was I capable of it. He answered them with no hesitation. But the last one was worth sharing with the people, a question that still has to be answered by him.
So, with the greatest amount of courage and unknown sense of knowing, I asked politely, “ So what is this life? A collision to the world we desire to be in… , or the corrosion that takes us to the path where we wanna be? “
For the first time in my life, I saw him look at me like never before. He saw me with the greatest feel of desire to know me better, using his eyes to penetrate into my heart and try to know how I got to this point.
Nothing to say at the moment, he started to get up and say “ Sometimes we know our past. Sometimes we are known in the past. Some seek truth while some derive from lie. Its up to you and your soul what you demand. Could be the collision of two opposite theories who seek to combine and work to be together, or the corrosion of the worse and seek the better.
You got time.
Find out. What you want. What you want from within. Then dont tell, but just portray in your life. Until then…“
With no further discussion or emotions to share, he paced out of the hall towards the backyard, leaving the shadow casted upon my body by his own, and the darkness upon my soul by his learnings.
Till this day, I look for the nirvana to beat the truth, break the loop and sacrifice the life of the mortals. The only thing that remains in my mind is…
how… Collide or Corrode ?